Heartbeat

Heart sounds are the noises generated by the beating heart and the resultant flow of blood through it (specifically, the turbulence created when the heart valves snap shut). (Wikipedia)

The heartbeat probably isn't something anyone thinks about too often or hears outside of the doctors office, but I do. Daily.

Almost exactly a year ago, Matt's heart stopped working properly. As a consequence, he was flown to University of Utah for an emergent open heart surgery. That hospital became very familiar and it's where I spent my Thanksgiving holidays. Matt's heart valve wasn't functioning and was replaced by a mechanical valve.

Since the heart beat is heard as the valve opens and closes, Matt's is now escalated in noise due to the metal valve. When we first got married, I used to lay awake at night and count his heart beats. I would always hold my breath when there was a pause... and then wait for the click to occur again and again. I used to have to lie close to him to hear the beat... now I'm so tuned into it, I can almost hear it in the shower with the water running. It's a constant subconscious noise in my life. One of those things like the heater running... you don't really notice it unless it stops.. and you didn't even realize you had been hearing it. There is occasion when it seems so loud at night that it keeps me awake... I find myself mumbling under my breath... "I'm so tired! Why is it so loud! I just want to fall asleep!" And then I catch myself... what am I even saying? I'm complaining that my husbands heart is beating? I don't think so... and I go back to thriving on the sound of that heartbeat... because my world would be over if I couldn't hear it.

Why am I going on about heart beats? Because now a year later... I heard another heart beat. After sitting in the doctors office with Matt and hearing the thump of his heart, and then the doctor checking my heart beat, she pulled out her handy mechanism, placed it on my belly, and I heard a 3rd heart beat. The heart beat of our sweet baby. It was such a touching moment for me to hear that heart beat and realize that there are 3 of us now. Three hearts beating together as a family. It made the fact that there is a human growing inside such a reality and I felt so grateful to hear that little heart beat. I already know that I will thrive on hearing that little heartbeat and the continued sound of Matt's click click as a constant sound in my life. I'm so grateful for it.